HERSTORY: LEONOR and KARINA (Loja, Ecuador)

Bonds and Revelations: The voices of a Mother and Daughter As we walk through one of the plazas in the small city of Loja, one of Ecuador´s smaller cities, something draws our eyes to a pair of womyn walking together, their eyes only focused on each other, their faces wearing a seriou expression. The first is a young womyn leaning on her crutches to support her body, the other an older womyn, her eyes waiting for a response. Something about the way they walk, in the seemingly charged space around them, their faces and their focused attention, draws us near. We decide to introduce ourselves and the MUCOV Project and tell them we are ineterested in hearing about their lives. The womyn, as we find out, are mother and daughter; Leonor, 38 and Karina, 18. They look at one another and Leonor responds: “We would like to meet you ladies but right now we are discussing something very important. ” We immedeately feel that our intuition about the two womyn is justified. We arrange to meet with them the next morning, 9am sharp. We met in Leonor´s house after a complicated planning. Karina is not allowed to visit her mom and so the meeting point was done without Leonor´s ex-husband´s approval. We push play and sit and listen to their voices. As they share their Herstories with us, we realize more and more how exceptional and strong both mother and daughter are, the creativity and faith with which they have faced so many difficulties in their lives: death, disability, injustice, seperation, abuse and discrimination. And more than anything, their connection seems to grow stronger as they confront the situations that life has abruptly brought to their fate´s door. One of the tragedies that marked the lives of these two womyn, is the death of Francisco, Leonor´´s second son. Leonor had four children. Two of them, Karina and Francisco, were born with a physical disability they inherited from their father, also a disabled man. At the tender age of eleven Francisco died of a respiratory complication from a respiratory cardiac arrest, a complete shock for the whole family. On the Saturday of his death, Fransico was suffering from an acute stomach ache, and as the night wore on, he got sicker and sicker. Leonor was at a loss. Unaccastumed to asking anyone for help and new in the neighborhood, in her desperation to help her son she knocked on all of the neighbors doors, asking for advice and medicine. “I don´t sit around waiting for things to happen, I look for solutions.” But despite her best efforts, around 5pm Francisco expressed his last words of pain. On the way to the hospital, giving her son CPR, Leonor knew that death was near. Francisco died before reaching the hospital. It had only been weeks since Francisco had been able to walk without the need of crutches or a walker. “This was a total surprise to me,” expressed Leonor. How could she survive his loss? “God sustained me at that time and he sustains now. I don´t always agree with everything my church and religion say but I know that God loves me becasue he gives me strength to continue.” The death of her son destroyed her seemingly strong family. “It seemed like the heart of the family died with him,” says Leonor, her voice calm but her sad eyes sparkle with the slight hint of tears. Mother and daughter look at each other interchangably as they each speak, communiacting silently, their eyes saying as much as their words. Fransisco´s death weighd heavily on Karina as well. Since they were only a year apart, they studied and played together and were almost inseprable. A smile lights up her face as she mentions that Francisco and her conspired often in mischivious play together and her mother laughs as she recals these times with her daughter. Part of the bond brother and sister created stems from the shared destiny of their bodies: they were born with the same physical condition in which their legs were initialy twisted, folded upwards and crossed with their heels facing downwards. Between the two of them, they summed a total of 19 surgeries. But her last two surgeries have been emotionally more difficult for Karina since she does not have her brother´s companionship. “I have stopped doing a lot of things becasue I am afraid...and people tell me-you used to be strong before!” Her voice breaks and she lowers her gaze. Leonor looks at her daughter with tender eyes, her silent yet solid presence is enough to give Karina the strength she needs to continue speaking. Karina goes on, her voice choked with emotion: “I am afraid to let go of my crutches completeley and walk on my own because I fear waking up dead like my brother...” After nine surgueries, Karina only has one more left. She shows us her crooked pinky, a symptom of her disability, while her mother smiles knowingly; she is familiar with every minute aspect of her children´s bodies. At the moment, Karina is walking on crutches and at times special boots that help her stay ubright. At the age of 13, she took her first independent steps: “It is like I was born again, like a baby who stopped crawling and started walking.” But the long winding path that lead her to stand on her own two feet is marked with rock like obstacles, those that society puts in the way of those who do not conform or match with what is considered normal and imperative: a healthy, whole body. As she recounts her experiences with discrimination, her expression, which moments before reflected a nostalgic joy, is now serious, and somewhat bitter: “On the one side it is ugly to live this way, because I need help from other people to do things...I need help to get on the bus and it offends me when the druivers yell at me: “Go fast! Move! And sometimes they start driving as I am climbing the steps!” “ I would love to be able to run” Karina states, a wistful smile on her face “ but I know there are so many dangers out there, so I prefer being like this right now, so I don´t have to confront the world because of what it has become.” After her daughter speaks of discrimination, Leonor speaks out about the injustice and abuse that she has suffered throughout her life from her family members. She grew up in a very traditional Latino home: “My mother taught me that men have to be served and respected and that was just how it was”. She was the only womyn amongst 4 brothers. She suffered both sexual and physical abuse in her own home the age of five until she was eighteen. “My brothers could go out and play, but becasue I was a womyn, I could not go out”. Wiping her eyes, Leonor recalls the loneliness she experienced at that time. She stopped going to school and lacked friends whom she could reach out for comfort and support. Leonor recalls that her worst terror she experienced was when her brother would get home from work: “He would lock me in a room...” Leonor told her mother of the horrid violations her brother forced upon her, but till this day her mother believes Leonor invented the whole experience. As her mother speaks, Karina silently listens, her face withrawn and thoughtful. What saved her at the time, was leaving her home to get married. Leonor met her husband working as a janitor at her mother´s work. The reason for her marriage? She responds with a certain bitter edge to her words: “ I got married to get out...he got married becasue he had his physical disabilty and never had a partner." And as her life with him unraveled, the world presented Leonor with more and more challenges to add to her already terbulent past: “My children were born with disabilities and it was up to me to confront this world along their side.” As her children grew older, more and more surgeries became necessary in order to straighten their legs and hips. Leonor spent years taking her two children in and out of hospitals with limited and at times no money whatosever. And once again, as she did in her younger years, Leonor had to take charge. Her husband, she claimed, was barely involved in their children´s health and recoveries and the responsibility of her family´s well-being was all on her shoulders. She felt like she could not ask her husband, who was already burdened with a disability, for help. She felt alone and overwhelmed with so many necessities; her family was facing financial difficulties after paying for so many surgeries, and her own physical condition, overpowering migraines, started shadowing her days, draining her emotionally and physically. So when her pains worsened and she went to seek help, she was not surprised to find out that she had a cyst in her right ovary. When her husband, who she has been devoted to for years, showed indifference to her diagnosis she felt betrayed.: “It hurt me not have him by my side…I felt like I deserved so much more, as a womyn and as a person.” And to add salt to her wounds, her husband also hit her for the first time when she refused to have sexual relations with him. This became the tip of the iceberg she decided that her marriage was over. With a fierce look born of years of suffering, Leonor speaks her truth: “I was not someone who was going to stay.. I left at eighteen and I said: no one is ever going to hit me again. Never again will anyone force me to have sexual relations with them. NEVER.” Karina listens to her mother’s tragic memories in silence, not daring to look up until her mother is done, as if she is afraid that if she looks, the almost tangible heavy bag of dark memories her mother has brought out of the past will also settle itself on her shoulders. Or maybe, it already has. Leonor had to break a number of cultural taboos that she had been taught to respect throughout her life whe she left her home. “It is usually the man that leaves the house and goes with another womyn. But it was me, the womyn, that left this time.” Unfortunately, her decision had both emotional and legal ramifications. In Peru, when a womyn leaves the home, she has to wait two years to file for divorce, as opposed to the men who only has to wait one year. “So at first I waited to leave the house for the sake of my children.” she says, her mouth set in a thin stubborn line. Her decision cost her a big part of her emotional stability: she was left alone and disowned: “The day I left, I lost my home, my mother, my brothers and even my children..everything turned against me.” She could not even gather enough courage to protest this treatment, to claim her rights to see her children, a restriction put on her by her husband after she left. “Because I left our home, I had to confront reality- I am the outcast of the family... becasue I dared to belive in my dreams, becasue I believed I desereved to have an opportunity to be happy, loved. Like any other human being.” Despite her strong and proud attitiude in the face of her obstacles, Leonor still feels that she is tied up to her religious ubringing and that she has to remain faithful to them, even when they contradict with her actions and decisions: “There is a total divorce between religion and the world...they just don´t fit with each other.¨ Like her mother, Karina was brought up a Catholic. She is currently a part of a sect in the catholic church but decides what she will share with us is only a limited amount of information and is a bit reluctant to tell us about what occures in her church. “If I tell you about it you will think that it is like being in a movie...” she says, which arouses our curiosity as to the nature of her religious beliefs. Her mother, however, is quick to explain to us the basic idea behind religious faith: In this case, the church preaches for complete and total forgivness of any wrong or unlawful actions another human being commits¨ She says that this path is difficult and not very realistic out in the world. But she supports and respects her daughter´s religious convictions. Both womyn granted us access to their rich past. Our minds, ears and hearts witnessed their heartful confessions, fears and desires. However, when we ask Karina about her own experiences with violence, the room suddenly darkens and an almost imperceptible chill settles over the womyn´s bodies; for the first time, mother and daughter are completely silent and cannot look at one another. It becomes obvious that we have touched a very sensitive nerve. Karina seems lost, she turns her head in all directions, her eyes unseeing. When she finally looks up at her mother, her gaze is tortured, wounded. In the silence, we can almost hear the strong beat of her heart accelarating in panic. Leonor, her hand pressing Karina´s for comfort, responds instead. “It is hard and for me as a mother when things hapen and you don´t expect it. You think that it can happen to the neighbor, to a stranger but not to you...” Leonor continues with a shaky voice, saying that right now they are dealing with something that happned to her daughter, something that Karina is not ready to make public. “It happend right under my nose and it hurts me trumendously...but violence happens mostly in your own home and with the people closest to you,” Leonor tells us. She is angry for the injustice of it all, for her daughters suffering, for her silence. To her, regardless of religious convitions, some sins have no forgiveness. After some time, the womyn settle down again, their shouldres touching, their hands still entwined. They have shared anectdotes of their most diffcult moments with us almost without hesitation. And what of their dreams, their most wistful desires? Karina´s dream is to become a child psychologist, to help youngsters who have no one else to turn to. Leonor´s dream matches her creative and independent spirit: she has a passion for manual art work such as jewelry and tapestry and she envisions opening her own place, selling her work and teaching art classes. And where is Leonor at this time in her life? How has she continued moving forward, adjusting to the extreme life changes she has experienced? The rest of Herstory continues to amaze us: after living for more than twenty years with a disabled husband and taking care of two disabled children, she moved in with a blind partner who suffers from visual impairment. She continues to see the best in her circumstances. “The person at my side supports me a lot. Because he is blind, he has a different mentality from others and more common sense.” Leonor undertands, from years of intimate experience, the life of the physicaly impaired. We say goodbye to mother and daughter filled to the brink with the journey of words we have just taken wih them. We know that their powerful voices, their positive outlook, their understanding of each other and their great love for life as difficult as it may be, will stay with us for many years to come.

HERSTORY: Ana Almeida ( En Español) (Quito, Ecuador)

¿TRANS QUE?

Palabra que la identifica: Transfemenista

Transfemenismo: ¨Es una intención política súper fuerte que reivindica lo Trans como una posibilidad que va mas allá del cuerpo, como esta posibilidad de estar transformándose todo el tiempo, de dejar que ese encasillamiento de ser hombre o mujer, o masculina o ser femenina deje de tener un peso grande sobre tus acciones políticas y también es acompañado de una conciencia feminista que es histórica¨- Ana Almeida

Buscamos la dirección de la Casa Trans en el barrio La Gasca sin saber exactamente donde era. Al fin llegamos a la puerta negra y tocamos el timbre. Nos abrió la puerta Toala, uno de los residentes trans que forman parte de esta familia. Veníamos a encontrarnos con Ana Almeida para presentarle MUCOV y para presentarnos personalmente dado que solo habíamos hablado por teléfono. Entramos y nos encontramos con dos perrit@s trans, un dálmata y un cachorrito gris hermoso. También conocimos a las chicas y chicos que estaban allí reunidos y preparando una de las famosas Cenas-Trans. Esperábamos a Ana mientras conocíamos más sobre las vidas de estas hermosas personas que nos dejaron enamoradas de la diversidad que exhibían, que mostraban, y que orgullosamente les representaba de la manera más sutil. Después de un buen rato de charla llego Ana, una mujer pequeña de estatura pero sin embargo su presencia fue muy notable. Nos presentamos a Ana y a Elizabeth Vásquez, la directora del Proyecto Transgénero y La Casa Trans. Las mujeres nos contaron sobre su activismo y lucha con los temas de la comunidad LGBTI (intersexual). La introducción que nos ofrecieron fue impresionante y supimos allí mismo que Ana, como una mujer con mucha VOZ tendría mucho que contarnos.

Ana reside en Quito, Ecuador. Es una activista, profesional, arquitecta, y actualmente trabaja en una empresa de servicios petroleros mientras coordina un inolvidable e excepcional proyecto llamado Transgénero y la CASA-TRANS. Su labor, su militancia, y su pasión forman parte de su día a día mientras lucha por sacarle a-como-de-lugar mas horas a un día, mas minutos a las horas, y mas segundos al minuto para poder terminar todo lo que su mente y cuerpo quieren lograr.

¨Soy extremadamente trabajadora, exigente, compleja…bastante emotiva. Me entusiasmo demasiado… ¡Quisiera cambiar el mundo de una sola y eso hace que permanentemente me de unos tortazos!¨

Ana describió lo complicado que es vivir entre sus dos mundos divididos entre trabajar para una empresa de servicios petroleros y ser una activista comprometida: ¨Me sentía que estaba vendiendo mi tiempo corrompiendo dentro del sistema, pero entendí que esa profesión me permitía hacer lo que en verdad me gusta… También uso mucho de mi tiempo laboral para hacer activismo… Esto es subvertir desde adentro...La gente me dice ¿como puedes hacer eso? A la medida que ha pasado el tiempo he aprendido hacer menos contradictoria…¨

También nos conto sobre esos miedos que forman parte de sus pensamientos, reflexiones, y intimidades. Ana expreso que se ha dado cuenta que sus miedos se han ido reduciendo a lo largo de su vida. ¨Yo creo que antes tenía más miedo que ahora. Tenía miedo de que el tiempo que pasara por mí, que fuera un tiempo que pasara y que no fuera yo la que pasara por el tiempo¨

Y nuestra admiración por esta gran persona se incremento aun mas (ya nos sentíamos tan afortunadas de poder escuchar todo lo que nos había compartido), cuando nos conto sobre sus experiencias con violencia. ¨Yo soy una persona No violenta porque viví mucha violencia. Así ya como dos años tuve un incidente de violación. Un día, unos tipos entraron en nuestra casa, se robaron todo, y nos violaron, fue muy feo… Yo me morí en el momento en que pasaba esto. Me desconecté. Después de esto yo no sentí la culpa que supuestamente tenia que sentir, cuando te violan supuestamente te tienes que sentir muy culpable, sentirte sucia y sentir que tu cuerpo y no se que. Pero yo no sentía eso… Sentía una frustración de no haber podido hacer nada, ¿había sido correcto que yo me haya muerto en esos momentos, o tenia que haber luchado por mi?... ¡Pero yo no sentía vergüenza! Lo que no me gusta es producir Pena. La pena a mi me pone mal. Lo que yo quise hacer después de esto es organizar una fiesta de Sanación para contar lo que había pasado y organizamos ¡una gran fiesta! …Di mi testimonio y dije que no quería ser victima, que ya me habían violado y eso era suficiente! Cuando di mi testimonio yo sentía que la gente había entendido lo que había pasado. Ese acto de sanación pública me permitió seguir en la vida aceptando que más allá de la estadística tuve la posibilidad de denunciar públicamente el tema de la No vergüenza¨.

Sabiendo que la violencia no deja de existir en muchas vidas, y que sigue penetrada en la realidad de muchas, le preguntamos Ana ¿Qué crees que es algo que une a todas las mujeres?

¨Creo que una conciencia de la desventaja que nos une y creo que es algo que nos une a todas las mujeres y esa conciencia creo que es ese hilo conector entre todas las mujeres independiente de lo que seamos, queramos ser y nos quieran hacer parecer.¨

Creemos que Ana, con sus experiencias y con su voz, compartió muchas cosas que tienen resonancia en las experiencias de otr@s. Aunque esto es solo una corta parte de lo que Ana compartió con nosotras, queríamos compartirlo pensando y creyendo que el valor de las personas que no tienen miedo de contar sobre sus vidas, sus retos, y esas cosas sirven también para inspirar un cambio positivo en l@s dem@s.

Ana, con su fuerza, sus palabras, sus convicciones, su voz, ha sembrado mas empoderamiento en nuestra existencia, un empoderamiento que es mas grande que nosotras, y se extiende a tod@s las personas que lean este corto testimonio. Estos extractos de la entrevista que realizamos es en realidad solo un chachito de todo lo que Ana tiene para compartir, para mostrar, y para sembrar en su sociedad, en su vida, y en las personas forman parte de su familia, su comunidad, y su realidad. Gracias Ana, por existir, por hablar, por creer en ti misma y en l@s dem@s.

(Leer poema de Ana ¨Somos Todas¨ que narra el tema de la violación)

Visita Proyecto Transgénero

Visita La Casa Trans

MUJERES CON VOS

¿Que es MUJERES CON VOS?

La propuesta de MUCOV es de hacer un registro de las historias y experiencias de mujeres a través del dialogo y entrevistas informales en la cuales las mujeres hablan sobre sus vidas, sus intimidades, sus miedos, sus luchas, sus retos, sus sueños, sus logros, y sobre lo que es ser una mujer en el siglo XXI en su propio entorno y contexto.

MUCOV como proyecto objeta el participar y fomentar una cultura de silencio y miedo que a diariamente amenaza nuestras expresiones y nuestro actuar. El proyecto también intenciona erradicar el miedo sobre la desconocida, la otra, sobre ella, o esa mujer que pasa por tu camino. A través del dialogo buscamos darle ímpetu a un cambio social utilizando el poder de la(s) palabra(s) para darle fuerza a la vida de las mujeres que son protagonistas indispensables en el día a día de todas y todos. Buscamos darle reconocimiento a la voz (y voces) practicando lo que llamamos comunicación multiversa que incluye el escuchar, el dialogar, el mirar, el suspirar, el entender el silencio corporal mientras se teje una complicidad con la mujer cotidiana, la mujer diferente, la mujer que llora, que canta, que sufre, y también con la que goza, ríe, explota, y contagia. Además de ser un Proyecto, MUCOV es una forma de alimentar la consciencia sobre las múltiples realidades que fibran la colectividad de nuestra identidad. Nuestra propuesta es de ir eliminando las barreras planteadas por la sociedad de no conectarnos, de ignorarnos y de ser extrañas una con la otra al no reconocernos como aliadas. MUCOV opta por no dejar que las fronteras reales, las irreales, las sistemáticas, las estructurales, y las sociales nos separen. Creemos que cada mujer se merece ser reconocida y nuestros encuentros se irán formando por una combinación de improvisación e intuición. Vemos que en nuestro presente es necesario enfrentar la censura que históricamente ha marcado las historias de mujeres y que así podemos contribuir a la creación de una red de solidaridad más grande entre mujeres de las Américas.

¿Cómo se manifiesta MUCOV?

MUCOV estará realizando un viaje onírico por tierra desde Colombia hasta Uruguay. Durante ese viaje se crearán encuentros y diálogos con varias mujeres que irán cruzando en el camino. Tomarán de la mano cada oportunidad que se presente para poder profundizar un conocimiento sobre la variedad de temas y las experiencias de mujeres.

Envisionamos una solidaridad que no se debilita por las fronteras geográficas ni por nuestras diferencias culturales, mentales, ni ideológicas. Reconocemos la gran diversidad de nuestras fuentes de vida creyendo que esto nos permite tener un conocimiento más fuerte sobre nuestros retos actuales y los que se aproximan. Creemos que desde ahora podemos enriquecernos por esas diferencias que en su multitud se empezaran a configurar dándole más fuerza a nuestras voces para tener más resonancia a lo largo y ancho de la sociedad.

Learn about The MUCOV Proyect

What is The MUCOV Proyect?

The MUCOV Proyect is a creative initiative that arose from the need to connect with womyn through the power of the word and visual participation. The Proyect seeks to document the lives and experiences of womyn through informal interviews and in the form of open dialogue. MUCOV’ essence is in carrying conversations with a diversity of womyn who will share about their lives, their intimacies, fears, struggles, challenges, dreams, and achievements and above all, what it means to be a womyn in the XXI Century in her own voice and context.

MUCOV was created in the midst of much reflection and took up the arms of words against the silence that has vastly overshadowed womyn’s diverse experiences and stories. In our society/ies, in our mainstream media, and in all those patriarchic structures and paradigms that influence our everyday there is a sustained lack of representation (and recognition) of the experiences of womyn in general.

MUCOV in essence has chosen to eradicate the fear felt against the Other, HER, SHE, and that ONE who crosses your path. Through dialogue we seek to give impetus to social change using the power of the word(s) and through the recognition of the voice of other womyn. We seek to break those barriers perpetrated in society that lead us to ignore each other and to dismiss each other as strangers instead as of sisters/allies. MUCOV has opted NOT TO let borders (real or imagined), systematic or ideological, structural, invisible or social ones separate us from HER.

What inspired MUCOV?

Our reality and the silence that surrounds our own experiences as womyn, and the belief that there are so many experiences that need to be heard, shared, and documented inspired the creation of The MUCOV Proyect. We believe that in general, in the world, in our countries, in our cities, in our towns, and in our neighborhoods womyn are not recognized for who they are, for what they have created, for what they have contributed, or for what they are capable of manifesting everyday, every minute, and every second that passes by unnoticed.

The MUCOV Proyect seeks to directly affect the culture of fear by listening to the voices that will battle the silence that has systematically excluded the experiences of womyn throughout HIS/Story. Thus, we believe that by sharing HERSTORY, through the voices of a diversity of womyn, waves of social CHANGE can be inspired.

Why Latin-America?

We have beun a journey through some countries in Latin-America, starting from the tip of South America. Latin-America has historically and presently been seen as the neighborhood lab rat for the U.S., valued only in its ¨third world¨ contexts, where cheap labor is exported. Moreover, the Americas has been exploited greatly and it is still largely suffering from poverty, corruption, and corporate investments. It is the setting for much of U.S. foreign policy where war tactics continue to be the main component of Big Brother’s interest.

We, as MUCOV can not disregard the experiences that take place south of the U.S. Border. We feel that Latin-America should also be seen through different eyes and we chose to focus on the lives and experiences of womyn. Through their voices we hope to learn more about their lives in their contexts.

HERSTORIES provide a diversity of examples about the numerous experiences of womyn to audiences in their own countries and in the United States.

Read the small print: We also believe that most people that make-up the U.S. population are not always interested, exposed to, or stimulated to think, observe and learn from their neighbors or those seen outside of their comfort level and/or geographical borders. We want to create connections that can teach us more about their reality and break those barriers that divide us.

HOW will the MUCOV Proyect be Possible?

We have begun to travel by land through South America documenting HERSTORIES with audio-visual techniques in the form of film, photography, writing, and our own recorded memories. We are traveling by road, taking many buses, stopping in random cities, rural areas, corners, stores, houses, etc. all along the way. We believe that one womyn will lead us to another and we will follow that path to reach other stories. Where there is no path, we will create one. Thus, we will go about with the MUCOV Proyect eliminating barriers, challenging our own socially constructed fears, and breaking the silences that have created a veil between Herstory and Us (all of US).

SUPPORT

We believe that all womyn, with our infinite and diverse experiences, can continue to influence society and produce critical analysis about the indispensable roles that we play everyday; for example: the womyn who is collecting cans in the trash bins, contributing to the recycling system, and uses the cash earned to buy food from the other lady who sells tamales on the street, to the activist who is a single mom, going to college, and working part-time as a bar tender besides doing her volunteering community work.

With your help we can continue documenting HERSTORY and making it available in various creative spaces for other womyn. Our aim is to collect $5,000 to cover mostly transportation fees, and the equipment.